Is it possible to lose brain cells with the fat?
Because ever since the weight started dropping off, the brain hasn't been functioning quite right. (There are those who would would question whether it ever did function well, but that's another matter entirely.)
I have more trouble than usual staying focused on things. And when my paycheck depends on the amount of work produced rather than just time put in, that's a problem.
My memory is more swiss-cheesed than usual. (Old Quantum Leap reference for my nerd friends.) I'll leave the bed unmade in the morning, thinking I'll get to it shortly, and absolutely not even think about it again until evening. Or I'll leave a load of clothes sit in the washer until I finally remember them the next day. Or, late last week, I suddenly remembered that I had talked the previous Friday in an email about trying to make lunch plans with a friend, and I suddenly couldn't remember just how long I had let it slip. (Thankfully, I was still on time and we had a lovely lunch.)
Of a more critical nature, my work needs to be very detailed, and I've been letting the details slip and making stupid mistakes - the kind of mistakes that, when they're pointed out to you, you kind of thwack yourself upside the head and think, "Duh! I knew that!"
And you KNOW it's getting bad when you get an email from the boss saying she's "concerned" that your work isn't up to its usual standard. And she's right. It's all silly things that shouldn't be happening.
Sandi has a t-shirt that says, "I have chemo brain. What's your excuse?" Maybe I need one that says, "I'm losing weight. What's your excuse?" Maybe I'm distracted by the aching muscles. Or by constantly trying to figure out what else I can eat that will stay under the calorie goal for the day.
Or maybe it's the way my daily schedule has shifted. I used to get up, come downstairs, make my cup of coffee, and start work. Now I get up, go out and walk at least an hour, come home, shower, have the coffee and some breakfast, and don't usually get started on work until a couple hours after I used to (or more). And that means I have less time during the day to actually DO the work. But I could get it done if I'd stay focused.
Which takes us back up to Paragraph #4.
Here's the kicker - this is exactly the kind of thing that would have derailed me in the past. My job is a higher priority than the fitness thing. It has to be. And in the past I would've just thrown my hands up, given up on the exercise, and buckled down to the work. Now I'm fighting. I'm fighting to get them back in balance and to keep them both in my life.
So again, it's time to put on the big girl panties. No excuses. No passes. Just do it.
But I'd still like to get the t-shirt.