Wednesday, August 15, 2012

A Shift in Thinking

First, a confession: I broke down yesterday, and when I went through Wendy's and got salads for supper, I got a small order of fries, too. And those were the best fries I've had in FOREVER. Five minutes of heaven while I snarfed those things down.. So salty. So yummy.

And, contrary to what I'd feared, it didn't really make me want to go on a binge. As a matter of fact, once they were gone, and I had that itch scratched, I really knew deep down that I was good to climb back on the wagon and ride it again for awhile. So for me, it was good to just give in and do it, and now I can get serious again.

Want to know how serious?

I'm an emotional eater. I eat to celebrate. I eat when I'm upset. I eat when I'm stressed. I eat when I'm bored.  And I love my comfort food. Taters. Pasta. Ice cream. Anything fried.

Today was horrible. I had to drive out of town for work. I left in plenty of time. Within 5 minutes, I was stuck in a line of traffic that was stopped while the road crews put down blacktop. After sitting awhile, I ended up having to pull out and backtrack, taking a longer way around and losing at least 10 minutes. Getting behind a couple of slow vehicles with no stretch of road where I could pass added more time. And then I got into a detour around a bridge that was being rebuilt - a LONG detour - that added another 15 minutes. By this time, I was going to be late for the deposition. I had to call my boss and have her relay the message so the attorneys would know what was happening.

So I finally got through the detour...and got behind ANOTHER slow vehicle. That truck finally pulled off. I WAS FREE!! I started pushing the gas a bit, trying to make up some time...and around the next curve sat two state cops.


So I got to the deposition 15 minutes after it was supposed to start. Things went fine (other than the fact that I'd had coffee on the way over and didn't take time to use the restroom before we started) until one of my digital recorders informed me the battery was low and it just quit working. New recorder - hadn't gone through this process with it before. Had to stop the deposition. Hate being the person who does that.

So yeah, I'd say this was the worst day I've had in quite awhile. Stress stress stress.

So guess what I had to pass to get back out of town after the deposition? A Long John Silver's shared the parking lot with the law office, and at the other end of the alley I had to use was...yeah...big Golden Arches.

But here's the thing - I had no interest at all in stopping. I was perfectly content with the yogurt and protein shake I had packed and taken with me.

I can't even begin to explain how huge this was for me. I was having a horrible, terrible (very bad, no good) day, and I didn't want fries. Or burgers. I didn't want to take out my anger at circumstances or myself by stuffing my face. I didn't need to balance the bad events with the good saltiness and greasiness of a large order of fries.

So once again there's a really big silver lining. Lousy, lousy traffic. Late for work. Fell off the wagon yesterday. And all of it set me up to be able to be content with doing what I'm supposed to do. It set me up to have a major mental/emotional milestone. YES!

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