Being Selfish

"My life is not my own."

I was once part of an online group of scrapbookers, most of whom were moms, with a few of us having reached grandma status. This was our mantra as we juggled jobs, home life, kids' schedules, babysitting, and still tried to squeeze in a bit of time for our hobby.

Most moms will understand the sentiment. Many people in general will understand the sentiment. We have jobs. We have meetings. We have other activities. We have church - some of us on Sunday mornings, Sunday nights AND Wednesday nights. We have parents to take care of...or kids...or grandkids...or neighbors. We have volunteer work. We have stuff to do around the house - laundry, cooking, cleaning, yardwork.

Me personally, I love to help other people. It's part of my nature. It's why I studied to be a therapist, and it's why I loved working with families in the Children's Welfare System. It's why I don't mind when Kim calls at 8:00 p.m. and needs me to run pick up medicine for Ethan because the bottle she had spilled. Or why I automatically assume we'll be keeping him for a night or two if she's sick. It's why I'll spend the day running around helping someone find the parts to fix their vehicle when the battery has died.

So, in many areas of my life, if someone has a need, I'll drop whatever I have planned and go help them.

But I've decided that this one thing is mine. This whole running / eating / losing weight thing...this is for me. Thankfully, those who are helping me on this journey are okay with that.

Because this is for me, the walking is done at my pace. 

I know Jim could walk faster, simply because he has a longer stride. And I know Sandi could whip my butt, because she's just like the Little Engine That Could - she starts going and doesn't slow down, doesn't get winded, doesn't stop. But this is for me, so I ask them to go at my pace or go without me, but I'm not going to race to keep up with them.

This was especially evident yesterday when Jim & I went out to walk. He thought he was doing what  would be most helpful by walking slightly ahead, giving me a "target" to shoot for and keep up with. And there have been days when that has been wonderful and I've responded well to the challenge. But I was out on a still-gimpy ankle, and it was my fifth day out in a row, and I was toying with the idea of trying for 6 miles (well, 6.2  - it was a 10K walk) and I just didn't have the oomph to try to set any speed records. So maybe two minutes into the walk, I stopped dead in the middle of the trail.

In all honesty, what was running through my head was, "I want you with me, not me looking at your back for the next 90 minutes." Then when I thought about it even more, I realized that my self-talk was saying, "See? You can't keep up with him." And then I decided to get selfish. It wasn't about me keeping up with him. It was about him being out with me. So I asked him, for that day, to just stay with me.

Because this is for me, I choose the distance. 

Some days I want to push myself and see how far I can go (when I have the time to do it). Some days I'm short on time, or I'm just not feeling it for some reason, and I decide to go a shorter distance. Whoever is with me...that has to be okay with them, because it's what I need on that given day.

Because this is for me, I will sometimes choose to go walking alone. 

There are days that I want the peace and solitude. Maybe I want the flexibility to challenge myself - in whatever form that takes - whenever the mood strikes. Or maybe I'm in a pensive mood and want to let my thoughts wander. 

I sometimes worry that Jim or Sandi will have their feelings hurt that I don't want to be with them. But it isn't that at all. It's just that I want to be alone. (There's a difference.) :) And since this is for me, I do it the way I need to do it...at the time of day I need to do it...with (or without) who I need to do it with (or without). 

Because this is for me,  meals are planned according to what I need to eat. 

I haven't made pasta at home in nearly three months. (Except for the time I tried whole wheat spaghetti - I wasn't a fan.) Boxed cereal is kept to a minimum - and only Jim eats it. We have fewer sweets in the house (although I do keep ice cream handy because that's Jim's favorite snack to have in the evenings). We don't eat nearly as much ground beef as we used to. The pantry is still pretty bare from the purge a couple months ago. Jim has to put up with me experimenting with different herbs and seasonings on fish and chicken. We have more yogurt and fewer Pop-Tarts. I have made a concession and when I fix myself a baked sweet potato, he gets a baked white potato, but in general, we eat far fewer potato dishes than what we used to. Our standard "grab to go" meal is the chicken pecan salad at Wendy's or something from Subway, rather than a big juicy burger and hot salty fries. But this is for me, so I ask him to accommodate that. (And, bless him, he does.) I ask Kim to make the same accommodations if she and Ethan come over for supper, and she does. 

(Ethan...he doesn't make accommodations. He has his three main things that he eats - pizza, hot dogs and shrimp - and we accommodate that.) :)

Even friends are sweet enough to make efforts to have Jenni-friendly food on hand. Last weekend we visited overnight with our friends Jan & Steve. I was thrilled and touched that they had made an effort to have plenty of fresh fruit around for me to snack on; the cornbread muffins we had for dinner were made with wheat flour (and something else healthy...I can't remember at the moment); and the apple muffins we had for Sunday breakfast were made with the Splenda brown sugar blend and applesauce instead of butter. (Thank you, Steve!)

So yes, this one thing, this is for me. And I'm giving myself permission to be selfish about it. I am asking others to accommodate what works best for me at any given point. 

To the people who have talked to me about how they wish they could do this, one thing I would say is, it has to be for you. You need to surround yourself with supportive people who will accommodate that and help supply what you need. If you want to have a more healthy diet, then the people around you need to be supportive of that. If it means different menus at home, so be it. If it means avoiding certain favorite restaurants, okay. If it means no sweets in the house because they are too much of a temptation, then the family has to find their sugary snacks someplace else.

If you're going to exercise, the people who say they want to exercise with you need to be flexible to your schedule. Or maybe you need them to take over some household chore - like starting dinner - so you have time to get out and walk for an hour after work. Or they need to be okay with the noise of you doing exercises in the living room in the evening while watching your favorite TV shows.

It has to be for you.

And ultimately, making it for you now means it's for them later when you are healthier and happier and more energetic and live longer.

Come Along with Me - The Rail Trail

Bloomington has an amazing trail system, the south end of which is about a two-minute drive from my house. Today was gorgeous - the temps were in the mid-50s when we were out this morning, and the sun made the fall colors extra bright.

Good thing I had my camera.

Unfortunately, I tried to take pictures and keep walking at the same time, so many of them are less-than-sharp.

In any case, this is the Rail Trail - a two-mile stretch of soft surface (gravel) trail on the south side of Bloomington. And this is the trail that I walked and walked and walked until Sandi and I started doing longer sections so we could do five-mile walks.

It may be fall, but the bright red berries against the dark green leaves on a
plant near the parking lot remind me that Christmas is coming.

This bridge serves as the landmark for the start and stop of our path.
As many times as Matt saw this bridge, he never saw it looking like this.

Just beyond the bridge, this roundabout connects the Rail Trail, going
up through the trees, with the Clear Creek Trail,
a paved path that goes off to the left of the bench.

Although it's blurry because I was walking, I think the picture looks
like a watercolor, painted by God's own hand.

Part of the reason I like this trail is because it's easy to know where
my distance markers are. The center line on this road
is the half-mile point.

There's a beautiful horse farm along the trail,
right on the edge of a subdivision.

Just after the horse farm, we have to cross another road. We almost always
have to stop here for traffic, in spite of the crosswalk.

Just after crossing the road, you can see the next road
- the one-mile mark.

As we come out of the woods, there's the Bloomington
version of Stonehenge. (Okay, I don't know what it really is,
but every time I see it I think of Stonehenge.)

This church stands at the corner that marks the one-mile point.

There was a carpet of leaves on the trail this morning.
Colorful, soft...and a little slippery.

After all the markers along the first mile, there are none on the second
and it seems to stretch forever until you finally round a curve and see the
trail ahead opening up in front of you.

The trail head and parking lot at the other end of the two-mile trail.
You get to this parking lot from Country Club Drive.

Catch your breath, turn around, and plunge back into the forest again.

I loved the way the sun streaks broke through the
leaves and striped the trail this morning.

I always kid that this feels like a camera shot in a horror movie where the
trail just keeps stretching on forever and ever and you never reach the end.

There's a surge of both excitement and relief when I see this sign -
the roundabout at the beginning...and end...of the journey.

The view from the bridge - the creek is still really
full from all the rain we had earlier in the week.

Oh, let's be honest - this is what I see most of the time...
Sandi about two paces ahead of me all the way. :)

Back in the summer, when I started walking, it was hot and humid and horrible, even early in the morning. At that point, there were many days that I got through it mostly by imagining how wonderful it would be once we got to the fall and the temps cooled off and the humidity was lower. Now it's fall, and you know what? I was right. This is WONDERFUL walking weather!

Sideline Scare

Yeah, it's not serious in terms of career-ending injuries. It doesn't even require a cast or crutches.

I turned my ankle yesterday - pretty badly - in that way that you roll your foot and sometimes you end up breaking the bone on the outside of your foot. I was walking on a sidewalk, got too close to the edge (to get out of the way of the horde of schoolchildren coming at me), and landed my foot lengthwise along the edge of the concrete. There was a gap along the edge, and my foot rolled over into that gap.

Ouch.

In true female fashion, I glanced around quickly to see if anyone had seen me almost go down, regained my balance, regained my composure...tried to regain my dignity...and mustered on. I was, however, rather glad that the weather was cool and damp and there was a good excuse to take Ethan to McDonald's for an early supper while we waited to go pick up his mom from work, rather than me chasing him around the school playground for 30-45 minutes.

Later in the evening when we would stand to sing at choir practice...that's when it got uncomfortable. I even bailed on the extended practice to go home and ice the ankle rather than spending an extra half-hour or so on choir risers as we prepared to sing for this Sunday's services.

I texted Sandi to tell her my status was uncertain for this morning, and I'd have to give her an update when I woke up.

As it has turned out, the ankle is still tender and hurts more when I stand on it for very long. But when I first woke up this morning, I texted Sandi that it was achey, but I still wanted to bandage it (for support) and go walk "an easy 4." I probably wouldn't have pushed it, but after taking Monday off, I need to get the miles in this week. PLUS it's supposed to rain tomorrow. PLUS Sandi has a doctor's appointment tomorrow (which could take anywhere from 30 minutes to half the day). Yes, I could go by myself...but I also know that if it's raining, and if my ankle's still bugging me, chances are that I'll not get out tomorrow. We'll see.

BUT here's the other reason I got out today.

On the days when I don't walk, it's tough for me to stay under my calorie limit. I mean, I like to eat. That's how I got to 200 pounds in the first place. And yesterday I adjusted my goals on myfitnesspal.com, so now I'm supposed to have even fewer calories per day, since there's less of me to have to power. :)

The way I look at it, though, getting out and walking "buys" me the flexibility to eat more food. Or maybe something that's not on the Grade A list. I burn calories walking - I can consume more in a day. Pretty simple math, really.

The thought of not being able to get out and walk, though, and having to do it ALL just with what I do (or don't) eat - that scared me. I was scared of being sidelined for any length of time. Yes, there are days that I don't WANT to walk. But I don't ever want to not be ABLE to walk. That part scares me, because I don't know if I could do this without the double whammy of exercise and eating.

So we went out this morning and did our four miles. It wasn't quite as fast as I had been doing. (I was taking pictures of the fall colors along the trail, too, to share with you all.) But it was respectable, and we did it. 

Strangely, my ankle didn't hurt when I was walking. Concentration? Endorphins? I don't know. But it didn't - and doesn't - hurt as much when I'm moving it as it does when I'm standing still. Sandi says the same thing about her knee, which she messed up a week or so ago. She says when she walks or jogs, it doesn't bother her. But if she's just standing around the house as she moves from room to room doing housework for the day, it really hurts.

Weird how that works. It's like we're meant to keep moving and exercising. Go figure. 

What a Day!

I seriously don't even know where or how to start to explain the experience of my first 5K. So let me just rattle off random thoughts as they come to me:

* First of all, my Sandi was at the hospital rather than at the event. She had chemo this past Wednesday, and a reaction to that coupled with the flu sent her in to spend the morning being pumped full of anti-nausea meds, two rounds of morphine, and saline to counteract the dehydration. And girl, it just didn't feel right to be there without you. But you were obviously very much in my thoughts all morning.

#1 on my Celebration List

* I loved having Jim with me. I normally talk more about Sandi and Matt than I do about Jim, but there's no way I could be doing this fitness thing without his support. And this morning that was even more true. Besides, he has this thing he does... he has such a long stride, he has trouble staying slow enough to match my pace, so when we walk, he'll sprint forward occasionally for a short distance, then double back to wherever I am. But what really happens is that, as he's running ahead, I kick into race-walk speed so I'm closer than he expects by the time he turns around. The net effect is that my overall time is faster - even if he does look like a Border Collie trying to keep me herded.

The quiet, unassuming one

* The weather was overcast and in the mid-50s. This is perfect if you're going out to the trail and getting busy walking right away. But if you're going to be standing around for two hours beforehand, it qualifies as cold and damp. And not much fun.

* There was a certain thrill to seeing our names on the list. One sign posted along the route said, "The only difference between a jogger and a runner is an entry form." Okay, I'm still not a runner, but I AM official now.

Right there at the top

* The route was basically a big rectangle, with the race starting at one corner. It was AWESOME having the cheerleaders from our town's three middle schools standing at the other three corners to cheer us on!

Lining up to start the competitive race

* By the way, there were over 5000 people registered for today's event. 775 were just from the town's two high schools. It was, literally, a mass of humanity.

* The red shirts were very special. Those were worn by the cancer survivors. It was inspiring to see so many of them together.

These are not your regular Star Trek red-shirts

* I'm going to guess that the course was 3/4 gradual incline and 1/4 steep decline. I never knew there could be so much uphill without going down again - you sure don't notice it when you're driving around campus! In spite of that, I was able to keep a respectable pace...even if my glutes are going to feel it tomorrow.

* People holding out cups of water are angels. 'Nuff said.

* Knowing that the course wouldn't be the flat trail I normally walk, I allowed some extra time when setting my goal for today. I had hoped to finish in 50 minutes, and would have been content with 55. So when I finished in 45:37, I was thrilled!

* I was also pleasantly surprised to see how I compared with other walkers. Jim & I started in the middle of the pack (they wanted the fast walkers in front, medium in the middle and slow at the back when we started). I was passed by a handful, we passed several, and Jim estimated that we finished in the top 1/4 to 1/3 of all the walkers. Next time I'll make sure we're more toward the front of the pack - as far as walkers go, we're definitely among the fast ones.

* It feels very good to pass the young'uns - especially high school and college-age kids who are young and look like they're in great shape.

* It bugs me ever-so-slightly that all the awards to go the runners. (Or at least that was the case today.) But then after being out on the course, I realized that you really almost can't have awards for walkers, because too many people don't walk the entire course. They'll walk most of the time, but jog or run ahead at some points. I saw so many people jogging a bit here and there, and I thought, "Gee, maybe they should have a category for the folks who are half-and-half." :)

* The best word in the English language is "love." The second best word is "Finish." I didn't set any records today, but I did finish. And four months ago, you would've never convinced me that I would do something like this, much less finish it...much LESS do it in a respectable amount of time.

This is what "after" looks like - and Jim looks like he hasn't done anything yet

T-Minus Two Days...and Counting

As I start writing this, it is 10:30 p.m., Thursday night. 

In 36 hours, I will be starting my first 5K walk.

What
       Was
              I
               THINKING?!?!?!

It's not the distance. I do that distance every time I'm out...and then some. It's the fact that it's an EVENT. It's a THING. There will be other PEOPLE there. People I have to keep up with. People to measure myself against. People who aren't slowing down to stay with me. People who are going to be going their own pace, perhaps even racing to be in the top however-many.

What if I come in last?

I don't want to be last. That's like being the first person voted out of "Survivor" or "Big Brother." Although, you could argue that at least in those situations, people had to beat out a BUNCH of other people to even be on the show. Here, all I had to do was sign up and pay my registration fee.

What if the hills slow me down? 

I typically do trails that are relatively flat. This course is going to have some hills to it. What if I can't keep up the pace on the hills?

Yeah, I know I'm being silly. I know people do 5K walks and runs all the time. But this is my FIRST, and I always tend to freak out a bit when going into a new situation.

*deep breath*

Okay. Let's look at the positives.

I'm faster and stronger than I was two months ago. I walk five miles at a time without blinking an eye. (Maybe a little huffing and puffing, but no blinking.) The last three times I've done 5-mile walks, the pace has been under 15 min/mile - and I NEVER thought I'd see that! (I thought I'd scream when I realized I did four miles this morning in 58:30.) 

There's 20 pounds less of me to have to shuffle around.

I will have 2/3 of my support team right there walking with me - Jim & Sandi - and I know Matt will be with me in spirit. 

I have the *perfect* shirt to wear (unless I wear my event shirt - I won't know if that's requested until I pick up my registration packet tomorrow) - one from the Cancer Center in Indy which brings awareness to ALL the different kinds of cancer.

I'm taking the day off from walking tomorrow, so I'll be rested and ready to get back at it by Saturday.

Yep...don't think I could be much more ready than I am.

Here we goooo!!!!!!

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One last time:
I'm not making direct pleas for support, but if you have enjoyed any of my blogs over the past month, if even one thing I've said has made you smile or - better yet - made you think, "Hey, I could do that," then please consider supporting me and Jim in this fundraiser.

Simply go to the event home page linked below. Once there, on the left-hand side, click the link for "support participant" and type Bohn in as the last name. That should give you a link to go to our direct fundraising page.

Hoosers Outrun Cancer 5K

Officially Crazy

I don't like the cold. Never have. When I was in grade school, you'd find me outside during recess, huddled with the bunch of girls in the corner where the stairs came out of the building, trying to stay warm.

It's only September and I've already pulled out the fleece pants to wear in the evenings. I've sat and watched TV, snug beneath one of the blankets that are a permanent fixture on the backs of our couches. I've already started drinking extra cups of coffee during the day just to stay warm, and I wore a sweater to church this past Sunday.

I don't like to be wet, unless I'm in a pool or a hot shower. I never liked to play with water pistols or sprinklers. I will add half-again the distance to walk from Point A to Point B just to go around rain puddles. Do NOT come after me with a hose, and don't expect me to run out in the rain to check the mail.

So can someone please tell me WHY, in the past week, have I been out walking on two different mornings with temperatures in the 30s and why on earth I went out this morning (well, yesterday morning, since it's now past midnight) with temps in the mid-50s but in the pouring rain?!!?!?!

This is not a smile. This is my cheeks being
frozen and  unable to close my mouth.

I mean, SERIOUSLY!!! Last Thursday morning when I got up, it was 39 degrees outside. I wore sweats, but my face was so cold that my cheeks were numb and I couldn't make my mouth work well enough to talk correctly. (See photo above.)

Monday it was 35 when I got up. That's only THREE DEGREES ABOVE FREEZING!!!! I started out in workout pants, a hoodie and gloves, but I had my hood down within the first mile and the gloves were off by the end of Mile #2. And I was sweating enough that I got rid of the sweatshirt once we got back to the car. (Oh yeah, another side effect of the new look: I'm more brave about being out in public in just my sport bra. I still don't have anything close to a six-pack - maybe more like a two-pack - but compared to what I did look like, I'm pretty darn comfortable now.) 

And this/yesterday morning? This morning I woke up, realized it was raining, and texted Sandi. "Raining. Wait for a break or what do you want to do?" She texted back that it was up to me, but she was game to go ahead and walk. And, heaven help me, I texted back and told her we'd do it. And we did. Four miles. I turned my watch to the inside of my wrist, took my workout towel and draped it around my neck, and just shook the water off my dripping hair every few minutes. I also took an oversized bath towel to sit on when I got back in the car afterward. We didn't set any world speed records or anything, but this was one of those mornings when it's enough just to be out and putting in the work.

So I've been out in sub-40 temps in shorts, and I've been out in the cold rain. Me. Miss Huddle-in-the-Corner.

I think I've officially crossed over in to Crazyville.

Halfway There!

Yesterday was a teaser, but today confirmed it - 

I'm halfway to goal!!

I've been intentionally vague with the numbers, because I didn't like them. So let me get more exact now.

I'm 5'8". At my tallest, I was 5'9", but I've slowly been developing a case of scoliosis, so I'm shrinking a bit. 

When I was a sophomore in high school, we did the musical "Oklahoma!" I played Ado Annie, and at one point Will tells Ado Annie she's the "sweetest little 110 pounds of sugar in the territory." I thought that was pretty cool since I was exactly 110 at that point.

By the time I got married at age 20, I was up to 120. Still quite thin, and I'd managed to avoid as much weight as you typically hear of people gaining when they go to college.

When I became pregnant at age 25, I was around 130. (Please note: 10 years -> 20 pounds. This is important later.) And when I gave birth, I was right around 150, give or take a couple pounds. But that was temporary, and I was back down to 130ish pretty quickly.

If you'll remember, when I started this blog, I said that the weight gain really started the summer that Jim had all of his eye trouble and I mostly sat around hospitals. That was 20 years ago, in 1992.

Jump forward to when Kim was in 3rd grade...so another 9 or 10 years. I distinctly remember edging closer and closer to 170 and swearing I would NOT let myself get over that mark. 

I swore the same thing with 180...and with 190.

Then I got out of my sedentary jobs and started working at the hospital starting in early summer of 2008. The physical work along with typically eating only twice a day (because I'd come home after a night at work and fall straight into bed and sleep through breakfast) dropped my weight down a bit so that by the time I left the hospital in January of 2010, I was around 185.

Then I went back to a sedentary job, bolstered by lunchtime runs to McDonald's just to get out of the house for a few minutes. And in just over two years, my weight bounced up nearly 20 pounds. (I told you it would be important.)

So when I started this journey in July, the scale said 203. Ugh.

The goal was set: lose 40 pounds, hopefully before my birthday in February. 

Now, mind you, I got a new scale last week that will measure not only weight, but also body fat percentage as well as water and bone mass. (Mostly I wanted it so when the weight starts to stay the same, I can see whether I'm trading muscle for fat.) This new scale reads three pounds lighter than my old one did, so I have to make adjustments for that.

So, let's say I started at 200, according to the new scale.

Monday I hit 180.2 before I ate breakfast. Today it was 179.4. So now I feel comfortable in saying that yes, I've made it halfway!

More than being halfway, I seriously can't remember the last time my weight was below 180. It has been at least five years. And yes, I cried a little this morning. Happy tears.

So my Facebook status yesterday wasn't quite complete. It should have read:

It's a Milestone Monday:
*Coldest start to a walk: 35* when I got up this morning.
*Lowest weight so far: 180.2 (now updated to 179.4 and officially claiming it to be 20 pounds lost and halfway to goal!!)
*Fastest single mile: 13:50 (previous best had been 14:33)
*Fastest overall pace: 14:18/mile for 5 miles (had never made it under 15:00 before)

Taking a Break

Well, it wasn't intentional, but this past week turned into something of a mental - and physical - break. I was still careful with my eating, but not strict. And I still did my walking, but also allowed myself to completely *gasp* take a day off yesterday, which my knees appreciated greatly. 

(Two days in a row of not walking - I felt so guilty!)

I've reached that point where there's nothing new to share. (Well, that's not true - I still haven't shown off the pictures I took of our primary 4-mile stretch of trail.) It's just the same-old-same-old each week: eat sensibly, with a base calorie allotment of 1400 a day (which increases on days when I "earn" more calories by walking); walk a minimum of 20 miles a week; and do some conditioning work along the way. The pounds don't fall off like they did at first - it takes effort now. (Unless you count the three pounds that disappeared magically when I changed to a newer, more precise scale.) :)  "Plain" eating is getting old, and I'm getting tired of lean meats and salads.

Like I said, it wasn't intentional. I even went grocery shopping Monday with a list of good, acceptable dinners to fix for the week. But this happened...and that happened...and it wasn't dinners so much as lunches that chipped away at the good eating. 

And, knowing that I had to work Friday, Sandi & I were out walking for four days in a row, Monday-Thursday. Remember when I was describing Day Three? (See: "10-Day Week?") Well, you can imagine how a Day Four feels. So I took my planned day off on Friday. and then yesterday this happened...and that happened...and it got to the point where the only way I'd be able to walk would be to hike the neighborhood late, late in the day. So that's when I gave myself a second day off in a row.

Shoot, I may even make it a full weekend and take today off, too. 

(It's a little after 5:00 p.m. as I type this, so there's still time to go if I want...or not.)

However, we're now six days out from doing the Hoosiers Outrun Cancer 5K. This will not be the week to slack off. And, frankly, the Run couldn't have come at a better time. It's not necessarily something I have to work toward - I know I can do 5K with no problem. I do it every day that I'm out. But what it does is give me a reason to not allow myself TOO much time off so that I don't lose ground heading into next weekend.

To end on a good note: it's really nice to have lost as much as I have so that even a "soft" week like this isn't going to completely undo what has been done. I know I can't have a lot of weeks like this, but one every couple of months is kind of nice.

**********************************************************************************

REMINDER: I'm not asking directly for donations to support my efforts in next weekend's Walk/Run, but if anyone wishes to make a donation as Jim & I walk in honor of our mothers - both of whom lost battles to cancer - you can do so at the link below. This will take you to the home page for the event. Go to the index on the left, click "Support Participant" and type in "Bohn" as the last name. That should bring up a link to our page.

Hoosiers Outrun Cancer 5K

Random Ramblings #3

Today I heard an ad on the radio for a weight loss "system." It promises that you'll lose 21 pounds in 12 weeks. Of course, it involves taking pills with breakfast, lunch and dinner - expensive pills from what I can find on the internet (although I didn't find a specific price). 

And all I could think was, "Bitch, please."

21 in 12? How about 18 in 8? 

How about no chemicals? How about no crazy reaction to caffeine? How about no broken bank account? Just a dedication to walking (a lot) and making better food choices (usually)? OH YEAH!

***************************************************

Matt (my trainer) is busy with his own life in South Carolina. He teaches full-time, trains full-time and still has to make time for a girlfriend. *wave to Esther* But he reads my blog posts and we still touch base once a week or so. *wave to Matt* 

Tonight he called, asked how I was doing, then started fussing at me. He fussed at me for not doing the strength/conditioning work like I should. (Okay, that was warranted. See "Knowing vs. Doing.") (At least I know he's keeping up with me.) ;)

He also fussed at me for blogging that this is work...that sometimes it isn't fun. To be fair, he'd love to see everyone getting up off the couch to exercise in some form. He'd love to see everyone eating better - lots of lean meats and fruits and vegetables. He'd like for people to get inspired by my journey and decide to do something similar themselves.

But y'know what? It's not always fun. I'm not, by nature, a physical person. I don't get excited to feel my body working like a well-oiled machine. 

I am, by nature, a couch potato. There are mornings that I wake up and I would almost (ALMOST!) rather go back to working in the ICU and cleaning up after bedfast patients with an upper GI bleed rather than get out and go walking. There are times that I would kill for anything that could be labeled "Death by Chocolate." Or for fried chicken and mashed potatoes swimming in butter.

So this is me, keeping it real. This is me saying there are good days and there are rough days. (Besides, who wants to read about someone who finds something like this to be easy all the time?) This is the story of my journey - highs, lows and plateaus. It's not pretty. It's not always easy.

But what it is, is worthwhile.

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People are constantly surprising me by mentioning things to me in person that they've read here. The surprise, I suppose, is mostly that anyone is bothering to read this. Part of that perception on my part is because this is, ultimately, an open diary. I mostly write it for myself, as a way of expressing the things that bounce around in my head. 

The other reason it surprises me is because I truly have no idea how many people read this. I feel like a radio DJ who talks and talks, but has no real idea who might be listening...or if anybody is listening. 

So, if you've gotten this far, would you please help me? Let me know you're out there. Either comment here (leave your name if you're posting anonymously), or "like" the FB link, or comment on the FB link...something.

Then at least I won't get that dumbfounded look on my face when you say something to me in person. :)

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One final bit - the last three times I've been out, I have done five-mile walks instead of four. It's getting easier, and it's starting to feel like going back to four-mile walks would be short-changing myself. 

This morning, Sandi was playing with her iPhone and snapped this:

Kim's comment: Where's the rest of my mom at?!?

Knowing vs. Doing

Sooooo......here's the thing:

I walk. No problem. Usually get my 20 miles in each week. Usually have a pace somewhere in the 15-16 minutes per mile range.

I eat. Usually no problem. I seldom go over my calorie allotment on any given day. Sometimes they aren't the  best calories I could be eating, but I know how to bring it back under control quickly after a splurge. Even a significant splurge like being on vacation last weekend was counteracted within just a couple days.

But then there's the strength/conditioning stuff. For some reason, that just doesn't get done like it should. I plan to do half of it on whatever day each week I'm not out walking, and maybe do the other half on Sunday when I'm not out walking, or piggyback it on a walk day. And it's not a lot - the whole routine at once wouldn't take more than 20-30 minutes. Tops. 

On those days when I think I'll do it, I wake up thinking, "Hey, just get it done now and it'll be over." But those are also usually days when I have something else happening early-ish, and that's the reason I'm not walking. So I get busy with that. Then I eat, and I don't like doing core strength stuff (sit-ups, crunches) on a full stomach. Then it's bedtime. Or, more likely, it's after Jim's bedtime, so I don't want to be bouncing around a lot and keeping him awake.

I think part of it is that I have other people around when I eat, so others see what I'm doing there. And I have Sandi when I walk, so she knows what I'm doing there. But I don't have anyone standing over me saying, "One more set!" It's all just me for that part. And when it's just me, it's way too easy to get distracted and busy doing other things.

So now I'm in a quandary. I'm starting to get that no-tone tummy that says, "Hey, I'm losing weight!" But I don't want no-tone. I want...well, I WANT a 20-year-old's six-pack, but that's not gonna happen. But I want it better than what it is. And I know how to get that. I get that with the crunches and the sit-ups and the bicycles and the bus drivers and the planking. The tough part that I'm having is getting from KNOWING to DOING.

Just a Little Further - HA!

This week's exercise time is being all KINDS of chopped up because of my work schedule.

Monday was fine. Got out. Did my four miles. Nice & normal. 

Tuesday I had to go to Indy. I left in the morning about the same time I'd normally be going walking and didn't get home until after I'd picked up Ethan from school. No walking.

So on Wednesday, I thought, "Hey, I already know I'm working Friday at some point, so how about let's go a little farther so I won't have to do so much later in the week." Sandi agreed, and we did a different part of the trail system that totaled 4.4 miles. Not much of a difference, really, and I certainly didn't feel it like I did the last time I did this 4.4-mile stretch (and could barely walk by the time I finished it). 

So THIS morning I was really ambitious. Sandi & I did yet another stretch of the trail which, out-and-back, totaled five miles. (The Clear Creek Trail from Church Lane to Tapp Road, for those who are local and know where I'm talking about.)

Seriously...that last mile - that EXTRA mile - I thought I was going to cry. Or collapse. Or something. I never knew a mile could be so LONG. It was only (basically) a half-mile further than yesterday, fercryinoutloud! I shouldn't have been feeling it the way I was!

And I hadn't realized how much I relied on my landmarks to let me know how close I'm getting to the end on our regular stretch of trail, where you can see straight ahead of you about every quarter-mile. Or even on the trail we were on Wednesday - there are light posts along the trail and they're numbered, so as you get closer to the end, the numbers are going down and you can think to yourself, "Just 15 more lights...just 10 more lights..."

This part of the trail was marked, too, with actual markers every half-mile. But I still swear someone was moving them farther apart as we went along, because I *know* they were closer together and we were getting to them faster at the beginning. I just *know* it.

Five miles. 1:20:48. 16 minutes per miles average. Not my best - I typically shoot for something between 15:00 and 15:30. But I could feel that the last mile was quite a bit slower, so I'm content with this for a time. 

Even better was when I got home and updated myfitnesspal.com, where I track all my food and exercise, and walking that much earned me an extra 565 calories that I can eat today. :D That's when the payoff hits. Or when the scale drops another half-pound.

Then it's all worthwhile.

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Reminder: Sandi & I...and Jim...and Sandi's friend Maria have all signed up for the Hoosiers Outrun Cancer 5K Walk on September 29. I'm doing this in memory of my mom and Jim's mom, and in honor of many other friends and family who have fought various forms of cancer - including my walking buddy, Sandi. I'm not going to be making direct pleas for donations, but if you DO wish to donate, I'd love it! 

Here's the link to the main page for the event. Go to the menu on the left, click on "Sponsor a Participant" and then type in "Bohn" for the last name. That will get you to our individual donation page.

Hoosiers Outrun Cancer 5K

Away from Home

Tonight I'm away from home. Tonight, I'm actually in another state.

I had plenty of time this morning to get my walking done, but honestly, I really kind of wanted to wait until we got to the hotel so I could hit the workout room.

For one thing, it would be something different. I could work on a treadmill rather than a trail. I thought the better controlled environment would be more comfortable. I thought I would sweat less. I was wrong, but it still was fun to do something different.

For another thing, I've never had a reason to use a workout room, so I wanted to be able to say, "I need to go to the workout room." We even arrived at the hotel with plenty of time to spare so I'd have time to work out before our dinner reservations.

And then there's the fact that all day I've been thinking of Kevin. You may have heard of him - Kevin Sorbo. If you're of the geeky persuasion, you may recognize the name right away. If not, maybe it'll ring a bell if I mention "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys" or "Andromeda." Extremely nice guy. Openly Christian in a business that isn't always friendly to that kind of thing. 

I had the immense honor of working with him at a convention a handful of years ago. Along with his warmth and kindness, the one logistical thing I remember is that we had to find him a gym because he had to stick with his workout routine. Of course, now we know that he was fighting at the time to come back from having a stroke. But he also has built a career based on his physicality, and maintaining that takes work, too. So each day, we found him some time and a place to work out.

And even though today was kind of special because I was in a different environment, I really do the same thing every day - I carve out the time and find a place and a way to get done what I have to do. 

Whether it's walking a trail at the regular time of 8:30 a.m., or walking at 7:00 a.m. because it's going to be a busy day, or walking at 2:00 p.m. and in 95-degree temps after work is done, or  treadmilling in a hotel workout room at 5:30 p.m. before you go to supper, or doing conditioning exercises on the living room floor at 10:00 at night because you HAVE to get them done that day but you just couldn't make yourself do them any earlier...whenever, wherever, you have to carve out the time and find a place to do what you have to do. It's Just. That. Simple.

Mama Goes Shopping

Weekend trip.
Tired of wearing belts.
Go shopping.

Three important things to note:

*Jeans are a size smaller. (And thank heaven the natural waist is coming back!)

*Top is a large. I don't remember the last time I had a top that was "just" a large. I've been XL (and a few XXL) forEVER.

*The top is fitted around the bottom hem. I've avoided this style for longer than I can remember because it would just emphasize the tummy. But I don't have to do that now!

No great insights for this post...just celebrating a bit. (And maybe showing off a smidge.)

We're getting there!

10-Day Week?

As Sandi & I were out on the trail this morning, I found myself wishing desperately for a 10-day week.

Ooooh, I can hear some of you now. "YEAH! Work five, then off five!"  "Five-day weekend!" Maybe you're even pulling out your calendars to see what kind of mini-vacations you could take if you had a day to get there, a day to get back, and three days to enjoy.

For me, that wouldn't be such a big deal, since I'm often doing at least some of the at-home part of my job over the weekends. (It's amazing how many attorneys schedule depositions for Thursdays and Fridays.)

But that's not what I mean.

(Oh, c'mon. You knew it wasn't what I meant.)

Out of every seven days, I walk five of them. I always take Sundays off, and then there's usually one day off mid-week (typically depending on my work schedule).

I really enjoy Day One out walking after I've had a day off. I'm fresh. I'm eager to stretch the muscles. I've felt a bit cooped up. When I get out to the starting point, take a deep breath, hit the timer on my watch, and take that first step, I feel like I could walk clear to the state line. Any state line. Pick one. I can feel the oxygen reaching into my lungs. The sweat dripping down my nose and running down my back tells me I'm accomplishing something.

Day Two...not so much. It's more like "here I am again." Even if I'm someplace different, I'm "here." Again I'm at some arbitrary starting point. Again, I'm taking a deep breath, hitting the timer on my watch, and taking that first step. Again, I'm about to huff and puff and pant and groan. Again, the sweat will be running in my eyes and stinging to the point where I either can't keep them open or my shirt gets soaked from using it to wipe my face. Again, the sweat tickles and annoys as it runs down my back.

And the stretches when I have THREE walking days in a row? Forget it. I seriously don't even want to get out of bed on Day Three. On Day Three, if I didn't know Sandi was waiting for me, I'd probably not go most of the time. I drag myself out to the trail, sigh deeply, hit the timer on my watch, and start plodding along. On Day Three I suddenly notice the horse barn smell as we pass, my  sweat-soaked hair sticks to my ear so that the wind whistles through it as I jog (true story - happened this morning), and my legs feel like I'm slogging through concrete.

BUT...

If we had 10-day weeks, then I could walk a day/rest a day/walk a day/rest a day and still get my five days done within a week. And each day out would be Day One. Each day out would be fresh and exhilarating and glorious. Each day out would have butterflies and kittens and rainbows without the rain and smell like flowers and waterfalls and I'd just bounce along with no effort at all and Sandi & I would have the trail all to ourselves without having to move aside to accommodate the joggers and bikers and the temperature would be a perfect 65 degrees with 25% humidity and a slight breeze.

:deep breath:

Can you tell today was Day Three?

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Another reminder: I've signed up for the Hoosiers Outrun Cancer 5K Walk at the end of this month. (See: "That's so FAR!") I'm not going to do any direct soliciting for donations, but if you want to contribute, I have set up a donor page linked below.

Jim & Jenni's Donor Page

(If this takes you to the event's home page, just select "sponsor participant" from the menu at the left, then type "Bohn" in for the last name. That will take you to our page.)