Final Week of 40-Some

An odd sensation hit me today.

I've spent the last several months getting my thinking turned around so that I'm excited about my upcoming birthday.

But then this morning, the early "happy birthday" messages started popping up on Facebook. And I thought, "No! Not yet!"

Ahhhh....what a fickle woman I am. LOL!

Then I started asking myself, "Why is this such a big deal?" I normally keep birthdays low key...maybe take the day off from work so I can have a "me" day and do things I enjoy doing...spend it with some of my favorite people.

And when I asked the question, I came up with three answers.

First, when a person reaches 50, they can be pretty certain they're at the halfway point of their lives...or beyond. There may be many awesome years ahead, but the larger quantity of years has already been lived. For me, this creates a sense of urgency. If there are things that I haven't done yet, I need to get busy working on them.

Second, I've worked hard to make sure that #50 sees me in a better place than #49 did. You all have been with me for that part. :) I've been working toward this one point in time, and while there's plenty more to do afterward, I've accomplished enough that I'm ready to celebrate a bit. 

But I think the third reason is really the most important, just because it's the most deep-seated. Probably even the most irrational, but still there.

My mother was perfectly healthy when she turned 50. I remember taking Kim (still a preschooler), buying 50 yellow roses, and driving to meet my mother and go with her for lunch during her lunch period. (She was a school teacher.) Even though it was another 18 months before her cancer diagnosis, this is still one of the last "normal" memories I have of her.

She was perfectly fine at 50. She never saw 60. 

And until I hit 52 and am still healthy, there's always going to be this little fear deep inside that I'll follow that same path.

So, just in case, I'm going to make the most of 50.

And if I make it to 60, I'm going to have a big blow-out then, too. :) 

So for now....let's have a fantastic week!